So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
