I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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