you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
