Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
