I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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