clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
