He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
