You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
