It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
