Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
