the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
