i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
