Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
