I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
