you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
