You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
