his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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