so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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