Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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