I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
