Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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