He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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