I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
