I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
