all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Houston, we have a squirter
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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