I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
