i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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