So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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