watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
