the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
