Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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