Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
