we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
