we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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