Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
