It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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