so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
