Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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