I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
