I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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