Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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