We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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