1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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