Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
