Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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