You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
