can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
