the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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