At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
