Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
