Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
